Coco Loco and Surfing

Coco Loco
-Fresh coconut diced
-Condensed milk
-3 shots of rum or vodka (or more)
-Add ice
-Sugar
-Blend
-Serve in a coconut

Beautiful beach day.
Had breakfast
Lounged around in a hammock till I got to hot
Then went for a swim in warm water
Came out feeling like a million mosquitoes bit me
....... which they did.....

But it turns out it was jelly fish
Very tiny blue jelly fish
The guy said they are blue and thread like
Went for a walk along the base of a cliff 
with a Rottweiler for company
Found a cool cave, but couldn't explore since the tide started coming in
and I didn't care to experience having my body slammed against the rocks at the base of the cliff

Headed into town for lunch
Had fresh fish, some meat soup that I refuse to eat and fresh lemonade for $3 (over priced kinda yucky)
Then played a few rounds of pool
Won 2 games and had a very impressive combo shot that sunk 3 balls
Then had or tried to have a second lunch
Another meat soup, tasted mostly like corn and water
That I managed to eat about a quarter of
And then steak with egg fried rice
Had three bites and then I just couldn't do it anymore
My throat would close up and activate my gag reflexes

It wasn't bad

I just couldn't physically eat it
Washed it down with fresh raspberry juice that was so water down,
it tasted like generic cool aid
Second lunch was only $1.50

Found a surf instructor
Two hours $20
Three time national champion
I figure I should be a natural
I'll be riding the waves in no time
Looks easy enough
He gave me a quick course on the beach
How to hold on, swim and hop on
How to avoid other surfers and swimmer
And most importantly how not to hit my head on the board and kill myself when I go under

Swam out

Managed to get on board
Tried to swim, wasn't prepared for how fast it goes
Then hopped off before getting too close to shore

Swam out

Got on board
Swam
Managed to get one foot on then fell off

Swam out

Got on board
Swam
Almost got both feet up
Then fell off and saw the board above me
Good thing I listened or I would of hit my head

Swam out

Waves were really rough and coming close together
Got on

My instructor said most people take lessons for a week and never get on the board (I think he was just being nice)
Swam got both feet on and fell off
Went under
Board was over my head
Had to push it away with my arm before I could come up
I was done

Still had 15 min left, but I was exhausted and half drowned
Only flashed the beach twice
All in all not bad for my first time ever....but not great either...certainly nothing worth bragging about
I need to get into better shape and keep practising
My instructor said it was the wrong time of day
We went out at 4 PM The waves were too strong and violent
He said 2PM was the ideal time that day
Next time I need to notify him early and he will let me know what time the surf is right
I just crashed on my hammock

I can still feel the ocean inside of me

Showered, dolled myself up and I went out
I was going to dance
Strolled into town
Checking out the artisans and and the vibe
Ran into my writer friend
Meet him on the bus on the way here
He's from Cuenca
We walked together and he treated me to an empanada capresse, yummy for $1

Ran into my Dr friends
This place is so small you couldn't get lost even if you tried
Went to a restaurant because the band was playing a sick version of "No woman, no cry"
They jammed out to everything from reggae to salsa
I just sat back enjoying my large Pilsner $2.50 (overpriced) and watching this beautiful black man salsa
His body was fluid like a jelly fish

I need to work on being more jelly like...

For $3 from the street bar vendors I got my first coco loco
Heaven in a very big cup
"Let me know if you need more vodka"
As I took a sip
"I can always use more vodka"
He free poured two more shots in....

Went to "Nativa Bambu"
They had the loudest and best music coming out of the dance floor above
The club is on a second story and it is open and overlooking the ocean
It is packed
And I am hot in a micro mini dress
Everyone was dancing in pairs
Almost no woman goes out alone in Ecuador
I just close my eyes and feel the beat
I can shake my hips better than the most accomplised belly dancers
Ended up with several dance partners

I was soaking in sweat
My hair was drenched
I was carefree and in love with the beat

I got to dance
I cannot dance unless I feel the music in my soul
I haven't been able to feel it in a long time
Been unblocking and shedding several layers
Decided to call it an early night

Walked back on the beach
Lots of people near the town on the beach having a good time
Drinking laughing
Running along the shore
Its been overcast so haven't see any stars
But I noticed these fish that jump out of the water
Looks like lightning but curved like a comet
Everything just feels magical
I am just grateful to feel alive and tranquil

In bed by 3am
Asleep by 3:07 am

Up the coast

Finally took the three hour bus ride up to Montañita
Napped most of the way
Had no idea where I was going to stay
All I knew is that I wanted an ocean view

Ended up meeting two guys
Med students staying in Cuenca
One was from LA the other London
We wondered up and down the beach looking for a place to stay
Lots of vacancies

Finally found the perfect spot
Sole Mare
On the beach
Away from the main strip
In la punta
Great vibe

We went off in search of food
The sun setting into the ocean behind me
Found a good Mediterranean place
Had the lobster special with a three cheese sauce, came with fries,rice and salad.
Washed it down with a Pilsner

Music coming from all directions
This place has a big bohemian atmosphere
Everyone is just loose and carefree
Music and musicians everywhere
Impromptu jam sessions on the streets
And loud disco beats that rival my heart beat
Hippy toddlers with their long blonde hair dancing in the streets

I feel calm and serene
I am happy.

me

I've been gone for half a month now.
I haven't started my adventure yet.
I've stayed with relatives.
I realize just a moment ago,
that I haven't started because for the first time in my life I feel free.

I have no pressure.
No one makes demands on me,
I am allowed to do what I want.
Sleep in as late as I want and nothing is expected of me.

I can be myself.

I actually believe they care about.
They might even love me.
I haven't left because I've been soaking it up.
I need to be loved and cared for.
No one has ever done that.
I have always been alone.

I trust them.
They might not understand me,
and that's okay.
I don't understand me.

I have spent so much time protecting myself and building up defenses that I lost myself a
long time ago.
It is almost impossible for me to full trust anyone.
I have thought out the years shed off a lot of armour.
But in my core I have never and I might not ever be able to fully trust.

I have almost never felt loved by my parents.
I know rationally that they loved me and they did what was best at the time until the present.
Perhaps I was too needy as a child.
But then I learned to shut people out to the point that if they did show any love or affection( my parents ) I completely reject it.
I rejected to the point that I to this day cannot even eat the food my mother makes.
I cannot receive a hug from her.
I cannot say I love you to my own mother.
And sadly this applies to my brother.

I spent my entire life "controlled" by my brother.
They did not know how to handle the situation with my brother and they sure as hell did not know how to handle me.
I was verbally and physically abused on almost a daily bases until I left when I was 24.
I have to a great extent come to terms with it.
Which is why I barely discuss it know I have let go of a great deal of it,
but it is the emotional elements that I need to resolved.
I have never felt loved and anyone I have ever trusted has always hurt me or let me down,
I let myself down.

My entire life I have always been used by everyone around me.
Now I am at a place where nothing is expected of me.
No one is trying to hurt me or use me.
They know that I've been "damaged" (that's how my cousin S husband puts it).

They love me and care about me.
Yes I know that I have a lot of anger inside of me.
I need to discover who I am.
I need to find my voice.

I honestly have no idea how to talk about myself or about my emotions.
I need to learn to stand up for myself in a totally new way.
I have fought my whole life to be allowed to make decisions for myself,
to have friends,
to go outside,
to live my life the way I want.

I can for the first time ever see that that is Actually possible.
Like I kinda understood it for a while now but haven't fully grasped the concept.
I left a bad situation behind.
I was severely depressed to the point that I stopped functioning.
I stopped going to work.
I didn't go out.
I just sat there on the couch for days doing nothing.
If it wasn't for my friend asking to the movies
I might still just be sitting waiting to die.
That's when I knew I had to leave.

I was sitting at the movies and I swear it was like I heard a voice that said "GO" .
Less than a few days later I was gone.
Then I was in a bad situation because I could not speak up for myself.
That taught me a lot about myself.
I'm grateful for that lesson.
It is a step in the right direction
But I am stagnant now
I need to make a decision
I just need to pick a direction and GO

"El Paraíso, Las cascadas de Manuel"

Headed out yesterday for a one day hiking camping trip
It was a long 10km hike up a mountain
I was wearing my heavy pack
And the sun was blazing hot

Got to walk along beautiful banana farms
That turned into cacao trees and eventually
the sweet scent of guayaba near the top

Beautiful butterflies and insects everywhere I looked
Everything was so lush and green
You could hear the rustling of water all around

I was hot
And aching
But not tired
Just in pain

Especially the last push to the camp ground was the steepest and hardest rocky road
Right before that last bend the road is covered in this beautiful blue green rock.
Beautifully surrounded by red earth

When you finally reach Don Manuel's house
You have to go up a stairway to the campground where you can pitch your tent
I finally got my pack off
And hurried to set up before the sunset

With flashlight in hand I set off to the third waterfall
Going down a rocky path and to the sound of rushing water
Every muscle aching
My leg muscles tremble if I try to stand still
All I kept thinking about was the cool water
I needed it to wash away the sweat and fatigue
It was so beautiful
The white rapids coming up like clouds in the mist

I go in
I hesitate
But continue to go further in
I am afraid of the water in the dark
Cannot see what is under the surface
Not knowing what is underneath terrifies me

The last red rays of light quickly disappearing behind me
From growing up in the city I have almost no night vision
The water felt cool and refreshing
It only came up to my waist
So I duck under the cool surface
Love the way it refreshes my body
Washing the salt off my body

Climbing back was almost impossible
My leg muscles were failing me and my back was killing me
But I was hungry

Had delicious fried tilapia that was caught fresh from the stream
A few cold beers
I was happy

Don Manuel had set up a blazing bon fire near my tent
I sat by it enjoying all the constellations
You can almost make out the milky way
What was even more spectacular
Was the show the fireflies were putting on
It looked like headlights going on and off in the forest behind the trees
Fell asleep with tales of forest fairies and buendes swirling in my head

Breakfast was ground plantains with cheese and a fried egg
The yoke was almost orange
Started the day at the first waterfall called la mariposa
and I worked my way up to the eighth one

They were fairly easy hikes
Each one leading up to the next one
To reach the eight one you need to used a rope that is tied up like a rail
I grabbed it and tried to use it to pull myself up
Instead I barely managed to get my second hand on it
The rope was coming towards me
I was sliding off the rock had both feet dangling before I finally caught myself
The rope had a lot of slack
Had mistakenly thought it was taunt

There are more waterfalls in the mountain
But you need a guide
Saw beautiful black hummingbirds and butterflies everywhere
It was early so I had all the falls to myself
After bathing in all of them I went back to pack up the camp
and begin the 10kilometre hike back down the mountain

It was much easier walking down
But my feet were killing me
I had used my water shoes to hike up to the waterfall
And in the process smashed up my toes
Had at least two blisters

On the way down I snacked on a guayaba picked fresh off a tree
I saw four tulcans resting in the trees before flying off
It is rare to spot them because they tend to live in the Amazon

When I finally made it back to the main road
The sun was blazing over head
Got a little sun burn waiting for the right bus to come by
I enjoy the ride back
Beautiful vistas of the mountains and plantations

When I finally got back
I almost didn't make it off the bus
All my muscles had tighten and stiffen up
I couldn't move
Who knew that getting off the bus would be the hardest
Part of my journey

Drinking and Driving

Caught my first fish today!
Also my only fish.
My cousin D and his friends took me fishing today.
It was a hot and sunny day.

We drove to a private property
that is currently being disputed by some heirs.
Apparently it has gotten violent.
After the guards checked us for weapons
we were given free passage. 
Besides I do believe machine guns are not
meant for catching fish.

The property used to be lush mangroves 
Now it is pools for shrimp.
Almost all the mangroves in Ecuador are gone.
They were cleared out for shrimp.
Shrimp is a major export in Ecuador.

Fishing here is welcomed by the owners.
The fish eat the shrimp. There are also  these
huge bright blue crabs called gibas supposedly tasty
They too are shrimp eaters.

Ironically our bait was shrimp that we
had picked up at the market earlier.
I was given some nylon with a hook attached
to the end of it. My cousin had a cool looking rod.
My ego was not pleased.

After someone attached the shrimp to my hook
I tossed in my line. After a few minutes I felt a tug!
It must be the worlds biggest fish. Couldn't get it out.
Finally near the shore I see it...
It's a huge giba eating my shrimp.
Turns out I am an excellent giba feeder.

After an hour of me roasting in the sun
I decided to switch sides.
Tossed in my line and bang!
I caught a bite
It was a fish.
I reeled it in. It was beautiful and silver
My cousin placed it in a net back in the water
Where a giba proceeded to eat it....

They must grow the worlds biggest shrimp
All the ones we caught for bait were bigger than
my forearm. As the sun began to set I noticed
4 mosquitoes on my leg. I reapplied repellent
only to get swarmed by a black cloud of mosquitoes
They got me through my cloths!
My cousin said these have not be domesticated yet
Fishing was officially over.

Back at the house my cousin P invited me out for drinks
We were going clubbing with some friends
Got picked up in a new car that had a blue
light under it. Inside it had a TV in the front.
I was handed a can of Budweiser, everyone was drinking
Budweiser including the driver. People on motorcycle
where whizzing past us in all directions
Apparently traffic laws do not exist in Tenguel.
Felt like I was in American Graffiti
I just leaned back, fastened my seat belt
and enjoyed the ride.
Pitt Bull's Tonight was blaring, my cousin
kept yelling from the back seat to slow down
I had the wind in my hair and not a care in the world,
As we speed down unlite country roads.
Besides we were only doing 145 kilometers
That's not fast right?

" Excuse me And I might drink a little more than I should tonight And I might take you home with me, if I could tonight And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight Cause we might not get tomorrow

Tonight I want all of you tonight Give me everything tonight For all we know we might not get tomorrow Let's do it tonight".